Today I came to terms with the fact that Brian and I are officially broken up for good. I learned it the hard way. It took Brian telling me he is afraid of me becoming a stalker for me to realize he knows nothing about me and who I am. He is cruel and the most cold insensitive person I have ever met. He even beat my mother who is the queen of ice! I must be too emotional needy for this world. I hope to someday find someone I can relate to one an emotional level as an equal. Being the only one giving and giving in a relationship is exhausting. I don't know if I will be able to share my emotions with anyone again for the fear of rejection again. I thought that this time it would have been different since I didn't rush into the I love you's imediately. It took a year for me to say it. For nothing.... Just rejection. I hope I can mend this broken heart soon because the pain stings so much.

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Brian and I went to see Liza Minelli at the Palace Theater. She was all good. That bitch can still sing! She brought the theater and myself to tears when her encore was momma's song " Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". I still have chills thinking about it. I wonder what it must really be like to be Liza. By the way, she looked great. I am glad I was able to experience a truely historical moment.

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We went to a homo warming party this weekend. The hosts had a nice turn out. I hope one day Brian and I can have a party of our own and we can register at Bed, Bath and Beyond too. We bought them an omlet pan. It was nice to get out and play with other gays.

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Last night we saw the musical 13. It was cute. Those kids had so much energy. I didn't think it should have been on the Broadway. Disney should have bought it and made it into a movie instead. Brian liked it more than me. We also bought the musical soundtrack from Billy Elliot. I can't wait to listen to it to compare the London cast with America. The city was a mad house last night. Suprisingly it was easy to get a cab even though it was snowing.

This limo driver was shouting out of his window, " Take my picture." So I did. He also wanted to know if I wanted to meet a hooker. I just walked away. What a weird way to pimp!

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There she is! Joyce Dewitt and I. She is just as I imagined. Can I just say that she looks amazing. I felt i was a little bit awkward but she made me feel so comfortable. I wish she knew how important Threes Company ment to me. I wanted to tell her but I spared her the melodrama. I am sure she gets that shit all the time. Even though I was young, I related to the show very well. I felt a connection because of the homosexual trickery in the show. Jack Tripper gay? Haha! The tight pants he and Larry wore were so hot. I bet today they would tottally be hooking up. I met Richard Kline and Pricilla Barnes today also. They were very nice. (Other sightings included Dawn Wells and the guy from Great American Heros and some hot 80's playmates. ) When I was a little boy, Threes company used to come on between the 8-9pm hour. The theme song is comforting to me. When I heard it I would get so excited because I knew that it would be the last show I could watch before bedtime at 9pm. I used to beg my mother to stay up later and she would fight me tooth and nail to make me go to bed but I never gave up. I would somehow end up sneakily crawling on the floor behind walls and eventually end up on the couch beside my mother with my head on her thigh as she stroked my hair with her hands that permiated with the smell of bleach. I knew if I could just get close enough she would get sucked in by the most loving boy in the world. ( what happened to him?) I knew that no matter how bad I was, it was all better cause she let me stay up. Then Cheers came on. Those were the days. I wonder if John Ritter was still alive if he would have been there? That would have been awesome!

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Drum roll please! Ta da!
That's Brian, 34 and my name is Tony, 31. I am on the right. (woof) This picture was taken on a train, on our way to Denali National Park in Alaska, September 2008. We had a great time. We celebrated our 1 year aniversary up there. I was so excited because I couldn't wait to tell him the big "L" word on the trip. I waited a whole year to tell him even though I knew it imediately. I didn't want to sound like an idiot by saying it too soon. Plus, that word is so over rated and I don't take it lightly, it's probably a good thing I didn't say it sooner because, everytime I said it, he ignored me each time. When I ask him about it, he just told me he is not good with things like that and says he used to be mushy and romantic, but all of his past relationships just knocked him down. Lucky me! All the emotional emptiness aside, he is so special to me. I enjoy ever minute I share with him. He just had to put his dog to sleep on Monday night. I know he is sad but he has a hard time showing his emotions. Rest in peace Spencer. You will be missed

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This all began, ( the whole live journal thing), because my boyfriend reads complete strangers posts ( like some innocent little stalker), and gets depressed because he thinks you people on here are living some special life that he is missing out on. He knows about all the woofy dinner parties you guys host, about your travels and, even that you all are sleeping with each other in your live journal groups. The truth is, he knows more about you random strangers than he does about me. This is a last attempt to show my man all the great things he has in his life, and the things he does, are far more exciting than any bullshit you people post. From this point on, everything we do together will be shared for all to see and read. I think it is only fair that if he is going to continue to read about everyone else, then they should know all about him. Enjoy!

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